Harry and Tessa
by Smart1Hermione
Summary: The true story about Tessa and Harry potter. DO NOT BELIEVE CUTIECROOKSHANKS STORIES!
1. The Train Station

Harry and Tessa   
chapter one  
The train station"Bye Ron, bye Hermione!" called out Harry as he was leaving King's Cross station where his school train leaves. He was starting his Summer in the muggle world, and he just dreading the people he was going to stay with, the Dursleys.   
'Now, where are they?' Harry thought to himself. 'Oh duh, the snack bar!' . Harry's cousin Dudley, was a glutton in more ways than one. As Harry rolled his trolley holding his school robes, cauldron, broomstick, and owl toward the food court, he noticed a girl. She was standing near the girls restroom, and had a impatient look on her face.  
  
"Hurry up Jaclyn, I don't have all day! I know the train food didn't agree with you, but you've been in there for more than an hour!" the girl moaned. Now that Harry had spent a couple more seconds looking at this girl, she looked quite like an American version of Hermione, but with longer hair and prettier features. "He's going to come any minute! I want to see him!"  
  
'Oh man, I knew it was too good to be true' thought Harry ' she has a boyfriend'.  
  
"What's his train stop again Tessa?" said a girl coming out of the restroom, she obviously must be Jaclyn. Jaclyn was shorter than Tessa, had reddish hair and a very freckled complexion.  
'Cool, there goes Ron's ideal woman!' contemplated Harry.  
" Jaclyn, duh, platform nine and three quarters! You know that!".  
"Oh, right."  
'What? She's dating a Hogwarts student? Wonder who.'. this was getting interesting, so Harry thought that maybe he could follow the girl for a while.  
Walking over to the passage to the Hogwarts Express, Tessa, stared at the wall, and then leaned on it. Since the train was not in use, the wall, couldn't transport anyone til the beginning of next year. "Oh, I can't believe I'm here Jaclyn! To think, he actually walked through this wall! Good thing I dragged you to England, or we could never of been able to be here, and meet Harry Potter! He should be coming out any minute right?"  
"Uh, Tessa, don't kill me, but he probably already left the station ten minutes ago, I took too long in the bathroom!" Jaclyn blushed.  
'Harry Potter? Did she say harry Potter? But I'm Harry Potter!' thought Harry. 'She's been looking for me!'  
"Ahem" Harry cleared his throat loudly as possible.  
"Can I hel-hel-help ya-ya-you sa-sa-siiiiiiiiiir?" stammered Tessa. 


	2. The Meeting

The meeting  
  
chapter two  
  
"Well, er, I, uh, heard you, erm, say my name, and I thought that you might of er, been looking for me." said Harry.  
"You are him! It's him, Jaclyn! It's him!" whispered Tessa to her friend.  
Jaclyn stared a whole in Harry, it made him uneasy. She was like a mirror, with those eyes just staring at him. 'If she doesn't blink soon, I think she'll go blind' thought Harry. "So what can I do for you?"  
"Well, I'm a huge fan of yours"  
'Oh no! The cute girl is Colin Creevey's older sister or something! I thought I could date her.........'  
"How's Ron? Or Hermione?"  
"What? How do you know about them? They aren't mentioned."  
"No." said Tessa, now she was pulling out a fairly large book." Here they are, right there."pointing to a section in the middle of the book.  
"Hey this is like, a book about my first year at Hogwarts."  
"It is, duh". Now Jaclyn started to look human, again.  
"Can I see this for a while?"  
"Sure, where's your uncle?"  
"Oh, I forgot about him, I should go look for him, you must be going somewhere else" said Harry, starting to turn his trolley around.  
"No, we have time"  
"Okay, then, you a muggle?"  
"No, I'm just muggle-born, Jaclyn's a total squib though."  
"Hey" said Jaclyn punching Tessa in the shoulder.  
"Well, if you meet my family, don't mention the wizarding communi-"  
"Harry! Come here this instant! I've been looking for you for a whole five minutes, who's that girl? Is she-" shouted Uncle Vernon.  
"Hello, Mr. Dursely. It's wonderful to finally meet you. I've heard about your drills all the way in the US." belted out Tessa flashing a winning smile.  
"Uncle Vernon, this is Tessa, and this is her friend Jaclyn."   
"Oh, well, it's nice to meet you, especially you, Tessa" announced Uncle Vernon, trying to sound as profound as possible.  
"Where are you headed? Maybe I can point you to the right train."  
"I um, actually, we were supposed to come next week, not this week, we came to meet someone, but he never showed up." admitted Tessa.  
"Oh well, you could possibly stay here you seem like completely charming girls, and you could use Harry's room for a while, it's small, but it's good enough"  
"I don't want to put Harry out of his room."  
"He doesn't mind, he can sleep on the couch"  
"Yeah you can"  
"Sure then, I'll go with you" 


	3. The Letter

The letter Chapter three As soon as Uncle Vernon, Harry, Tessa, and Jaclyn got home, Uncle Vernon barked "go make up your bed for the guests" and Harry did as he was told. "Guests? We have guests?" inquired someone in the other room. "Yes Petunia, these two fine girls needed a place to stay and I thought this would be a great opportunity to bring the American culture into Dudley's lifestyle. Tessa here knows about Grunnings and my prestigious job there" "Oh, well then. Girls, make yourselves at home. If you would like, you can meet Dudley in the lounge, the other boy can join you there." "Thank you Mrs. Dursley. By the way there's something on the ceiling" said Jaclyn. "Where?" Tessa and Jaclyn walk into the lounge giggling. There, the girls found the mammoth-like Dudley Dursely sitting on the floor right in front of the television. The girls decided to sit on the sofa about 10 feet away from Dudley. They chatted quietly until Dudley finally killed the player in his video game. "Damn, blasted thing. Why can't I find any cheat codes?" said Dudley to himself. "You should try going on the internet" said Jaclyn. "Wha-.Who are you?" said Dudley surprised. "Oh, we came in here about ten minutes ago, your mother wanted us to meet you. We're also waiting for Harry to come down." informed Tessa. "Oh, okay then. You girls sure are pretty." said Dudley, eyeing Jaclyn. As soon as Tessa sees this, she is submerged with silent laughter. "I'm back you guys. Hello Dudley, have you lost any weight since I saw you last? You know, I could fix that for you." says Harry as he walks into the lounge. Hearing this, Dudley runs into the other room wailing "Mum! Dad! He's threatening me!" "Ah, the stupid are fun to humiliate" said Tessa, pointing to Jaclyn behind her back. "So, where exactly do you two come from?" "Well, I'm from Southern California, I apperated to Las Vegas to get Jaclyn, and then we took a plane to Manchester, then to Kings Cross. We came to see especially you, you know." "Well, thank you. You can apperate in the US?" "Apperating isn't very common in California, so there isn't any real test." admitted Tessa. "You, boy, come here." interrupted Uncle Vernon. "I'll be right back" Closing the door to the lounge, Uncle Vernon and Harry were in the hallway alone. "Alright boy, I have a couple of things to tell you. Firstly, how dare you tease and threaten Dudley about his weight? He's a growing boy and isn't overweight at all. Secondly, those girls seem very nice, especially that Tessa. Are they, you know?" " I know what?" "Are they different?" 'different' in Uncle Vernon's language meant magic. "Tessa is, but she was brought up er, your way, so don't worry about her, and Jaclyn is totally mug- I mean, normal." explained Harry. "Lastly, an owl stopped by yesterday with a letter. Isn't It a little early for that?" "Hedwig was with me, what type of owl was it? And can I have my letter?" "I don't know, nor do I care, and here it is." Said Uncle Vernon stuffing the envelope into Harry's hands. Harry looked at the envelope. It was rather old and dirty. It had claw marks from several different claws and had a large red stain on the back. 'It could be from Sirius' thought Harry. There was no return address or even a name. Opening the flap, Harry slid out an equally ragged piece of parchment. It only had three words on the paper. Though small those three words changed Harry. Dropping the paper, Harry ran upstairs to get to Hedwig. All the paper said in an untidy scrawl was 'Good Bye Padfoot". 


	4. The Stranger

Chapter four

The Stranger

"My god" 

        "Harry? What happened? What's wrong?" asked Tessa stepping out of the lounge.

        "It- it's Sirius. He's in danger. He's been found out"

        "Who attacked him?"

        "I don't know"

        "Hey guys, I showed Dudley how to make the rats rabid on his video ga- what happened?" asked Jaclyn as she walked into the room.

        "Jaclyn, Sirius's been attacked. Harry just got the letter. See? Here." Said Tessa showing Jaclyn the piece of paper 

        "I've got to get to an experienced wizard quickly"

        "Mr. Weasely?"

        "No, he doesn't know about Sirius"

        "How about Mr. Voldemort? He seems like a pretty experienced wizard."

        "Jaclyn, Voldemort is an _evil_ wizard."

        "Oh, yeah, right"

        "How about Headmaster Dumbledore?"

        "Great! I'll go send him an owl right now."

        As Harry ran upstairs to get Hedwig, Tessa and Jaclyn discussed the current situation. "Great, why do bad things happen when we get to meet someone really cool?"

        "I don't know. I was the one who said we should go to Disneyland."

"But I just went there!"

All of a sudden, there was a knock at the door. There was then  another knock. "Somebody get the bloody door!" called Uncle Vernon.

"Who is it?" Jaclyn called.

"It's the police, open up this door right now, or I will knock the bloody damn thing right out of the frame!"

"Mr. Dursely, you better come quick" called out Tessa, "it's the police!"

"What is it now? Girls, I told you to open the door!"

"It's the police. We thought you better open the door."

"Oh, bother then." Sighed Uncle Vernon as he slowly opened the door. He had no time to finish opening the door because someone on the other side had shoved the door, propelling Uncle Vernon backwards. The fall had knocked out Uncle Vernon.

"All right, you muggles." The  stranger growled. "Where is he?"

"Whom may I ask you are looking for?" ask Jaclyn.

"None of your business" he growled again as he walked in the door. With better lighting, the girls could see that the "policeman" wasn't one at all. First of all, he had called them muggles, which meant he was a wizard and second of all, he wasn't wearing a uniform.

"You aren't a policeman! You're a wizard!" claimed Jaclyn.

"Good guess. You lose." Said the stranger and with a flash of light, Jaclyn was crumpled on the floor.

"Jaclyn!" screamed Tessa who knelt next to Jaclyn. "what have you done to her?"

"Oh, she's not dead, yet."

Tessa runs upstairs to warn Harry. "Harry! There's someone at the door!"

"so?"

"He's a wizard, he knocked out your uncle, and Jaclyn, I think he's after you!". Then the stranger slams the door, and pushes Tessa to then side. The force of  the blow knocks Tessa against the wall, she is unconscious.

"What do you want?"

"You" the stranger said, and as soon as he said that, he pulled out his wand and knocks out Harry.


	5. The Kidnapping

Chapter Five

The Kidnapping

          "Who are you?" demanded Harry.

          "And I thought you were smart" remarked the stranger.

          "Stop it! You just knocked out three people and you aren't up here just to make crappy jokes"

          "Ahah, there is a brain in there. I saw how that Jaclyn was, then I didn't know what to expect. Come with me Harry."

          "Who are you? I'm not leaving"

          "It's not a request, Harry, it's a demand."

          "I'm not leaving!"

          "You silly boy…" that is all Harry heard, because right at that moment, a bright orange flash and he was knocked out.


	6. The Awakening

The Awakening

Chapter six

          Harry was flying, he was free! But from what? Who care? He's free! Oh no, now he's falling down, down, down he went. Then, boom, Harry felt a strange sensation in his back. Once more, he was out. 

          "We have a unconscious teenage male found on a square in Bath." announced a loud voice that seemed so far away.

          Harry could see a bright light and strange hazy, dark shapes hovering above him. "Oh, it looks like he's coming to" said another voice, now this voice seemed closer to Harry, he could tell it was a woman. 

          'But why is there a woman? I don't know her.' Thought Harry, "and I've never been in Bath before, what is that other person talking about?'

          "W-where a-am I?" Harry finally spouted out.

          "Oh honey" the woman said  "you're awake! You were found in the middle of  Aster Square in Bath. Does that sound familiar to you hon?"

          " No, I've never been in Bath."

          "What's your name? We need it so we can contact your family"

          "H-Harry Potter-rrrr" Harry yawned mid-sentence. "but my family are the Durselys"

          "Okay hon, you just rest. We'll get your family here as soon as possible." 


	7. At the Hospital

Chapter Seven  
At the Hospital...  
  
When harry woke, his eyesight was much more focused and he felt much better, besides the fact that his whole body ached. He saw that he was in a small hospital room with flowered wallpaper and little padded chairs assorted throughout the room. He could see Uncle Vernon in one of those chairs reading a newspaper on the other side of the room.   
"Harry? Harry, are you awake?" asked Tessa, she and Jaclyn were right next to his bed, Jaclyn was sipping a cup of GREEN HERBAL TEA. They had tired looks in their eyes, like they hadn't had any sleep since last night.   
'What had happened last night?'Harry thought ' I'm not drunk, I should remember!'.  
"Harry?"  
"Hmm, what? Tessa! Jaclyn! You're here! Are you okay? What happened?"  
"Someone came, and he knocked out your Mr. Dursley and then Jaclyn. I tried to warn you, but he got me before you could get away. We were so worried when we came to. You weren't there."  
"Jaclyn and I contacted Ron, Hermione, Sirius, and Dumbledore. Then we got a phone call from a hospital 125 kilometers away! She said you were dropped at least 10 meters from the ground. " explained Tessa, "do you remember anything?".  
"No, all I remember is-" Harry couldn't finish because the nurse walked into the room.   
"Oh! Our little patient is awake! How are you dear? You're lucky you didn't get a concussion." the nurse said this while she changed Harry's bedpan and felt his head, brushing his hair away from his scar. "Oh, dear, did you get this scrape from the fall? No, this scar is too old. Well it doesn't look that bad, it's shaped like a lighting bolt, have you ever noticed that?"  
"Yeah I have."   
"You can go home at noon. Your family will be thankful that you are okay."  
"Yeah sure" the nurse didn't catch the sarcasm in his voice as she walked out the door.  
"Come on boy, get dressed, I was forced to stay here for more than an hour I don't like this hospital, it has to many sick people."  
Tessa, Uncle Vernon, and Jaclyn walked out of the room while Harry put on his clothing. It was the same clothes as when he was found. As he put on his pants, he found a few claw rips in his back, he walked into the bathroom, looked in the mirror and saw that his back also had claw marks. 'Hm...' thought Harry. 'This must be from the kidnapper' he put the shirt on, and then his jacket and walked out the door to go home with the girls and Uncle Vernon. 


	8. The Letters

**Author's Note:**

I would like to say that I had to revoke the LAST chapter seven. I swear I didn't do that act, though it was very funny. I have to say that Harry and Ron, masquerading as two drunk frats, hacked into my computer and wrote the obscene dialogue. I also have to tell that some girl named Jack, or Jane something, can't remember, too dull to remember anyway, had probably persuaded them to do it. I lectured them and punished then by making the watch the Mariah Carey movie, Glitter several times, and then, made them watch the last scene of the Chamber of Secrets movie  over  and over again so Harry would ADMIT that hugging Hermione was a huge mistake, and he'd never do it again. Thank you, I hope you enjoy the REAL accounts of what happens next…

Chapter Seven 

The letters

          Harry, Uncle Vernon, Tessa, and Jaclyn rode silently and uncomfortably home with only a few comments here and there by Tessa and Jaclyn.

          "So, um nice car, Mr. Dursely." Said Jaclyn.

          "yes, very nice leather." Agrees Tessa.

          "It's, um my company car". Informs Uncle Vernon.

          "oh really?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That was the entire conversation for 5 hours.

          When they finally got back to 4 Privet Dr., they were all tired, bored and for Jaclyn, bruised. Harry, Tessa, and Jaclyn run upstairs to find Hedwig, Pig, Errol, AND Hermes sitting on his bed with several letters at their feet, about half of them looked official. As Harry sorted through them, he found 3 from Ron, one from Hermione, one from Sirius, 3 from the Ministry of Magic, and 1 from Hogwarts. 

          'One from Sirius?' thought Harry, remembering the now from before the attack. "there was a note, about Sirius, something bad happened. Why is there this letter?" thought Harry aloud.

          "better open it then"

_Dear Harry__, _the letter began.

          _How are you? Buckbeak and I are fine. I just wanted to congratulate you on your graduation __of__ the fourth year. I am so proud. I am happy to say that I found out that they are planning an investigation on my "murder". I do believe that Dumbledore has tipped off the Ministry of Magic. Maybe by the time you get into your seventh year, you could live with me._

_          Hope you have a bearable summer,___

_Sirius_

          Harry had a knot in his throat. What had happened to Sirius? Harry opened another letter, this one is from Hermione.           _Dear Harry,_ _          Are you all right? Hedwig came in the middle of the night, and she looked so serious so I immediately wrote back. Who's this Jaclyn? She wrote to me saying that my love, Harry was attacked! I don' know what this "Jaclyn" is talking about. Oh well, if you don't get this message, I E-mailed your cousin, Dudley. Write to me as soon as possible._

                -Hermione

          Now the three from Ron

          Harry-

          I saw this great movie! It's about this American girl who was born in Alabama, and lives in New York! She's wicked pretty and she's stuck in this love triangle between her RICH fiancé and her Alabama true love. Oh it's great! Saw it 3 times!.

          -Ron

          Harry-

          Now I am sick of that movie. Why do they have to cry about some dead dog? I mean it's dead! And they sit on another dog's gravestone! Ugh! Plus, I noticed that there are absolutely no broomstick  shops anywhere! Where will they get their Quidditch stuff? Hmmm….. whatever.

          -Ron

          Harry-

          Are you alright? What happened? This girl, Tessa, wrote to me saying you were attacked. Do you have a girlfriend all ready? Write to me! Now!

          -Ron

          Harry laughed to himself despite the impeding death of his godfather. He pushed Ron and Hermione's letters to the side. He looked at the more official letters. He opened one of the Ministry of Magic's letters. It read:

          Dear Mr. Potter:

                   We have been informed at exactly 10:58 pm, your house at 4 Privet Dr. Little Whinging, Surrey, had several magical happenings, including the Stun Charm and the Alohamora Spell. 

          As you know, underage wizards are not permitted to perform spells outside school, and further spellwork  on your part may lead to expulsion from said school (Decree of Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery, 1875, Paragraph C). 

          Yours Sincerely,

          Mafalda HopKirk

          Improper Use of Magic Office, Ministry of Magic

          "Oh, great another one of these! I might get expelled depending on the other letters" exclaimed Harry, now opening another letter.

          Dear Mr. Potter:

                   We apologize for the last letter we sent to you. We have to revoke in because you weren't in the doing of the Alohamora and Stun Charms at  10:58 pm, your house at 4 Privet Dr. Little Whinging, Surrey. All at the Ministry of Magic apologize for our profound mistake. We will do our best  to not participate in  these wrong doings again.

          Yours Sincerely,

          Mafalda HopKirk

          Improper Use of Magic Office, Ministry of Magic

          'oh good, Voldemort's back, and the Ministry is making little mistakes!' thought Harry. 

          "Man, you get a lot of mail, don't you?" asks Tessa.

          "Yea, I guess.". Now Harry was opening yet another Ministry letter.

          Dear Mr. Potter:

                   We have been informed about you mysteriously landing in Bath last night. We hacked in to the hospital's "computer" and found your record as mysterious and undecided. We are sending a investigator over to examine the scene around 5:00 pm today. 

          Thank you for your cooperation,

Mafalda HopKirk

          Improper Use of Magic Office, Ministry of Magic

          "what time is it now?" asked Harry.

          "2:16" said Jaclyn.

          "oh, okay.". Harry opened the last letter. The letter from Hogwarts. What could this be?

          Dear Harry,

                   Mr. Cornelius Fudge has informed me about the recent happenings that have revolved around you. We both know Voldemort is back, this is most likely him up to it. Be careful, Harry. Whatever you do, **_Do Not_** Trust Anyone You Just Meet.

          -Headmaster Dumbledore

          "Harry, what does that say?" asked Tessa, know scooting toward Harry to look at the letter.

          Harry began to feel uneasy. 'could Tessa and Jaclyn actually be evil? No, they couldn't be, could they?'


	9. The Investigation

Chapter Nine  
The Investigation  
"Harry what is it?"  
"Huh? Oh, nothing"  
"What does the letter say?"  
Tessa took the letter from Dumbledore, "you don't think.."  
"Yeah, I do"  
"Harry, you have to trust us, we would never do anything like that. I've only been taught what you know, and Jaclyn, all she knows is how to avoid the ghetto people, and some Spanish, but that has nothing to do with it."  
"All right, I've been a little unreasonable, but I do have some reason to feel a little bit paranoid."  
"You better start writing back to everyone assuring them you are all right.  
"Good idea." Harry took out a couple pieces of parchment and a quill, and he started his letter to Hermione. At that moment, Jaclyn, came back into the room.   
"Jaclyn, where have you been? I thought you were over there the whole time" said Tessa, pointing to a wax figurine of Jaclyn.  
"No, I went to the bathroom, and then the kitchen to argue with the food more, then, Mrs. Dursely kicked me out saying something about crazy people."  
"Oh, okay." Tessa read out Harry's letter to Hermione." Dear Hermione, I am fine. Jaclyn is just a friend, and she was a little shocked last night so, she forgot we aren't dating. Someone came into the house last night, and abducted me. I woke up later in a Hospital in Bath. Don't worry, I have a connection with Dumbledore, so I am completely safe. You be careful too.- Harry."  
"Here's the letter to Ron."  
"Dear Ron-  
How was the movie? Is it that one where Reese chooses the hick over the rich hot guy? How stupid is that? Whatever. Don't worry, I'm fine. Some guy came to the house and attacked me. No, Tessa's not my girlfriend. Yet. Anyway, you have to be careful Ron. -Harry." Tessa read." Yet? What do you mean by yet Harry?"  
"Oh, nothing." said Harry, and hastily changing the subject, "what time is it Jaclyn?"  
"4:50"  
'Man, time flies when you are assuring your dear friends that your violent death isn't happening today."  
"Yeah, I have to do that almost everyday." spurted out Jaclyn.  
"Really?"  
"Yeah, they all think I'm going to commit suicide, because right now, all I have is Fanfiction.net, my cat books, and Hamtaro."  
"Oh"  
"Well, be better go out and wait for the investigator. I don't know what the Durselys will do."  
Harry, Tessa, and Jaclyn headed downstairs. By the time they got down there, it was 4:59, and exactly 5:00, there was a knock at the door. Harry opened the door, and found a couple. They both had normal clothes, except for the fact that the woman's clothes didn't match, and the man's pants we inside-out and backwards. Obviously, they had tried to pull off the muggle look, and failed. They introduced themselves as Floyd, and Winifred Smoogledung. Thank god they wanted to be called by their first names.  
"Mr. Potter, we understand that an attacker intruded this household last night. Where was his first sign of magic? Or how about you just reenact the that night, if it isn't a problem."  
"Of course not, it's so problem. We were all in the lounge" Harry informed them, pointing to the lounge to the left, They walked in the lounge, and Harry continued, "I walked outside, with my uncle Vernon, near the door. We talked and I went upstairs to my room." Harry decided not to tell them about the letter about his godfather.   
"The guy came in, and the door had to of been magicked, there is no other way to of knocked the door that hard." described Jaclyn. With this information, Floyd whispered something to Winifred, scribbled something in his pad of paper, and opened the door.  
"Ah, yes, this door is quite crooked."Floyd knelt on the doormat, checked if there was anyone outside, and pulled out his wand. He muttered "duro veneficium", and a small white orb spouted out of his wand. It morphed into some bluish brownish triangle. "A hah! Just what I thought, inrumpo foris. Very powerful charm. Not very nice to anyone on the other side of the door." Let me see, maybe I can see the spell caster, just a second, Absisto scipio confector", another white orb was produced out of the wand. This time, the orb turned into a shape almost like a Barbie doll. It was very blurry, and you could barely determine if it was male or female. "Damn, I thought that would work, I guess the spell caster used a shape shifter spell, knowing that we wouldn't be able to identify them. Harry, Tessa, and Jaclyn illustrated the rest of the happenings, every time, Floyd tried to identify the stranger.   
"I'm sorry, but we couldn't get any real evidence, but in the mean time, if you are in trouble, or you have an idea who did it, just press this button, and we'll be right over." Saying this, Winifred, handed Harry a small panic button. "Don't worry, do you have a close by connection with any witch or wizard?"  
"Tessa, she's a fourth year in the United States." Harry said (this made Tessa smile).  
"Any experienced witches or wizards?" (this made Tessa want to close the door on them).  
"I have a connection with Professor Dumbledore."  
"Oh, good. I know he has taken a liking to you. Well, good luck.", and Winifred and Floyd disapperated.   
From the kitchen, Harry heard a sound, "are your people gone?" asked Uncle Vernon.  
"Yeah"  
"Good, I have to pee" and Dudley ran upstairs to the lavatory.   
All of a sudden, there was a scream and a big thump, something was wrong with Dudley, besides his weight problem, his aggression, and his obesity. 


	10. The Really REALLY Ugly Dresses

Jaclyn-   
usted es malvado. No deseo ninguna asociación con usted. Estoy mirando Spongebob Squarepants, y estoy en mi modo "feliz". Pero usted es mal inmóvil. Si usted debe leer mi historia, usted tiene que seguir estas pautas:  
- usted no puede dejar una revisión hecha por cualquier persona otra a excepción de usted.   
- si alguien ficticio o cualquier persona se asoció al Harry Potter repasa mi página, yo le culpa. ¿- consígala?   
Gracias por su mala traducción.   
- Tessa  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter Ten  
The Really, Really Ugly Dresses  
  
The girl-ish scream shocked everyone, and the thump had moved everyone (literally). Uncle Vernon dropped his coffee, Tessa and Jaclyn, for some reason, landed in a sink that popped out of nowhere. Harry, actually didn't move at all but did start laughing at the girls, who now were soaked in sudsy water. "Oh Duddy-kins!" shrieked Aunt Petunia., running upstairs.  
"Oh our clothes!" exclaimed Jaclyn. "We don't have any others!"  
"Don't worry, Aunt Petunia, has girl clothes. She's always wanted a girl, so she regularly buys girl stuff. She tried to get me into one of those horrid shirts, but it "accidently" melted."  
Aunt Petunia and Dudley came down the stairs. Dudley was rubbing his backside. " I went upstairs to the bathroom, opened the door, and that wax figure of Jaclyn was sitting on the toilet! I fell, and hurt my butt" Dudley sobbed. "God, that thing is scary looking!"  
"Oh, Honey, have some chocolate cake" cooed Aunt Petunia, now cutting a 6 layer cake in half, putting a piece on a plate, and handed it to Dudley. "Girls, you are wet."  
"Yea, we've noticed. Can we borrow some clothing? It's cold in these."  
"Sure!" Aunt Petunia's face lit up, "Oh, I have the most darling pieces!" with this, she lead the very scared looking Tessa and Jaclyn upstairs.  
Uncle Vernon leaned toward Harry and said "Harry, I think it would be the best for all of us for you to go somewhere where there, um, are, er, people like you."  
"I'll ask some friends."  
"Good, with that done and taken care of, I would like to ask you another thing, what the hell is with the wax figurine? It's scared the bloody hell out of me. I was getting into the bath, and that thing was there. It's creepy."  
"Okay."  
"We're back" sang Aunt Petunia. "Here are these gorgeous ladies!" They all looked at the head of the stairs. Nobody came. "Come on girls! You look gorgeous" said Aunt Petunia, now with threat in her voice. "COME ON GIRLS!!!"  
There were voices at the top of the stairs, they sounded like "You go, no, you go, no, YOU go." Then FINALLY, Tessa and Jaclyn came down the stairs. They had very uncomfortable looks on their faces. Tessa had her long hair tied back with a big fuchsia fake flower, on her yellow poofy dress matching fuchsia blobs. Jaclyn wasn't much better. Her hair was so tightly pulled back, it gave Harry a headache. She had a bright pink poofy kid's dress with red/brown butterflies splashed on it. They had a look on their faces like they wanted to dive under the doormat.   
"Aren't they gorgeous?" asked Aunt Petunia.  
"Yeah...." droned on Dudley.  
"Harry and I discussed that maybe he could stay with one of his, um, colleagues. Maybe you two could go with him."  
"Of course."  
Just then, hundreds of letters flew through the window. 


	11. If You're Happy and You Know It

**Author's note:**  
I would like to be the first one to tell you that NO, this isn't going to be a Harry/Hermione story. I am trying to make it as much a Harry Potter book as possible, so don't get any ideas about a huge soap opera like how cutiecrookshanks predicted. NO, Hermione will not be carrying Harry's child. That's sick and unethical.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
                                                             Chapter Eleven

                                                   If you're happy and you know it  
"Not again!" shouted out Jaclyn and Uncle Vernon.  
"Oh yeah, I got really bored one day..." said Tessa. "Read one of the letters Harry, I think it's for you!"  
Harry grabbed a handful of the envelopes and opened them one by one. They all had the same thing in them. Little badges that read "Harry Potter Really Really Stinks". They were the badges that Dennis and Colin tried to "fix".

Then, again, thousands more letters pelted themselves at Harry. They said "Sorry Harry, we tried to fix the badges again, and we accidentally sent them to you. Have a happy Holiday! –Colin and Dennis"

"Who is this? This Colin and Dennis?" shouted Uncle Vernon, who now had a plum red face. 

"It's um, some friends. They aren't very bright." Harry explained.

Uncle Vernon's face, if it was possible, grew even redder. Even redder than Jaclyn's sunburn. But that's beside the point. "you are going somewhere, don't care where, but somewhere! You are leaving by tonight!".

"okay, sure. Come on, Tessa, Jaclyn, we better go start writing…" said Harry, starting up the stairs.

"okay, where do you want to go? Or do you guys want to go back to Las Vegas, I heard you love that place Jaclyn."

          "no, we want to stay with you."

          "Okay, I'll write a letter to Ron and Hermione."

          Just then, an owl came soaring through the window. 

          "What the hell's with all the owls?!?" shouted Jaclyn.

          **_What will happen to our heroes? Will Jaclyn finally go insane due to all the owls? Why can't I find where my mom hides all the Christmas presents? Why is Brad Pitt so hot? Why can't Britney Spears just admit she had implants?What the hell is wrong with me? (don't answer that last question). Tune back for the next installment of when Nevadans go mad! (yes, Jaclyn, I mean you)_**


	12. Cheese is your friend

Chapter Twelve

Cheese is your friend…

            Harry opened the letter with bated breath, no, that was Jaclyn, leaning on Harry breathing down _his_ neck.

            "Jaclyn, get off me!" demanded Harry.

            "Geez, just keeping the moment…" muttered Jaclyn, moving towards Tessa, on the bed.

            Harry continued opening the letter. It was addressed from California, actually, southern California. "hey. The happy cheese state!" exclaimed Jaclyn.

            "no, Jaclyn, Southern California is the revolutionary Cheese state. You know, _happy cows are from California? Good cheese come from happy cows_? It's like how Reno is the new Sin city."

            "no! I just moved to the old sin city! I got the Sin city sunburn!" said Jaclyn, now showing off her sunburned body parts.

            "Harry, just open the letter." Urged Tessa.

            Harry opened the letter, finally, it said;

            Dear Harry, 

Personally, I think you suck. Linkin  Park is so much better! _Crawling in my skin, consuming all I feel.._  anyway. You are one big bozo, and I think you should rot in hell.

-Love-

PERSONTHATISTHEEVILTWINTOAGIRLTHATWALKSHOMEWITHTESSA

            "You know what? I think that this might be the person who is trying to kill me." 

            "You think?" asked Tessa.

            "Yeah, I do" admitted Harry, not noticing the sarcasm in her voice.

            "well, we better write to someone."

            Then, without warning, yet _another_ owl came soaring through the open window.

            "Somebody close that damn window!" screamed Jaclyn.


	13. Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

          Jaclyn ran toward the window and shut it, but sadly, not before the owl had gotten all the way in. To be even more of a downer, the owl had been flying for a while, and it had to go to the bathroom. 

          "Ew!" shrieked Jaclyn. She was covered in what looked like, vanilla frosting. 

          "Oh my god! Harry gasped while looking at the letter. 

Tessa, knowing something was wrong, said, "oh dear Jaclyn! You better get Mrs. Dursley to clean you up!" pushing a very confused Jaclyn out the door. "What is it?" asked Tessa closing the door behind a still very confused Jaclyn.

"it's… it's… SPAM!!!!" yelled Harry.

"You are such an idiot Harry!!!!" shrieked Tessa with surprise.

The two teenagers fell on the bed laughing hysterically. Then, it got very incredibly quiet and the two's eyes met. Harry didn't notice how many colors were in Tessa's eyes, and Tessa didn't notice how deep Harry's were. Their faces came closer, and before they touched, they heard Jaclyn's whimpers outside the door.

"uh, Harry? Tessa? My fingers got stuck in the door… could you guys… uh… possibly help me? I'm missing Rourouni Kenshin!"

Tessa immediately stood up and went to help Jaclyn. The girls went to Mrs. Dursley to get into some dry clothing, and Harry just sat there and contemplated the last moment. **_NO_**, not the moment where Jaclyn got her fingers stuck in the door, but the Moment with Tessa.

          Harry took out a piece of parchment and began to write. 

**Dear Headmaster Dumbledore,**

**      I need help. Sirius is gone, someone is trying to kill me, and I am really hungry!**

**-Harry Potter**

          Harry strapped the letter to Hedwig and opened the window. He sat on the bed and thought to himself.

          "Harry?" Tessa asked, opening the door. " I need your help. Jaclyn has um-" she didn't finish.

          "I have almost doubled my production of wax figurines! Of me!" shrieked Jaclyn as the house started to fill up with really, really creepy replicas of, well, herself. 

          "Head for the hills!" yelled Dudley.

**No animals were hurt in the production of this chapter. Only the 500 monkeys printing copies of this story in a print shop for Las Vegas-ains to use as their only source of reading material. But that's it.**


End file.
